You are the One!!!

The reason of my death

the destructor of my fate

I thought you are my pride

left with nothing by my side

Lately I made a wrong choice

and today i have a sad voice

the stains of my blood will remain

and will let you cry in vain

you made me cry , u made me sad

I wish i was happy with what i always had

I cant decide i cant defend

Now I am so weak , I cant even Pretend

I will live , i will fight and will stand again

But you , will have to pay for this disdain!!!

@Ujjawal 

Destruction @its peak !

The Loose Love

Writing on 5th January 2012 , at 5:00 am 
It is unbelievable and unimaginable to think that this date brought a lot to my life , alot of realization and a lot of pain too . Going back to 5th January 2010 , when i met the best person in my life who is today the worst person i have ever known. I never want to disclose you , what you have done , or what you will do to disturb my life , but yes today finally i can say that : I was wrong at my Choice.
I had never thought that my choice would be so wrong that i will have to cry for it , but yes I am and I will be regretting it forever . I don't know why i wasted 2 beautiful years of my life in efforts to know you , love you or to be with you .
Damn !!!!!!!!!!
It is so that today i can say that i loved a person who was not worth it and yea i hate myself for it , but also thanks to god , I have good enough people in my life who can value me and help me in standing back in the time when i am devastated.
Damn Guy !! I thought of destroying myself because of you , but today after talking to you hopefully for the last time , i realised my value , I know its too too late , but its okay , i will try to cover up for the pain i gave to myself.
Nothing more to it , and i wish to forget u forever by the next 5th january 
A SAD DAY

@Destruction :(
@Ujjawal ( Rarely in a pathetic mood) @ 5 am 5jan 2012 ( i will remember this always)

Writing her own Script .........unending !

I find myself in a very special position that I am sure many of you would be envious of. Do you ever imagine having the super power of invisibility so you could eavesdrop on conversations others have about you?

Every morning, I look up at the sky, wondering if I’ll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don’t. The indifference of the still water in the pond, and the bareness of the sky need not reflect the indifference of people. I don’t want to look up to any unkind sky or any unfriendly person, searching for it to vouch for my readiness, my attitude and my honesty.  But every time I say this to myself, also I need to reassure about the self-confidence I have in my opinions and the unbiasness in them. I think and rethink about my perseverance of things before penning them down on a sheet of paper , because these are my thoughts which are engraved in me and I don’t want anyone to change himself/herself based on my views.

Someone said “Being Grateful is at the core of being educated”.

But what I see everywhere, is sore and ungrateful odd people, who have been grossly overeducated. I am trying to find whether this is my perception towards the world, or probably towards many of the people or is it that the World is changing.

I have been doing things that I like and I really don’t focus much about what other think about it but still that sometimes I don’t understand why so many people have to talk about so many others, when they are not yet self -aware.  How can someone be so very interested in someone else? This is my world and nobody has got a right to modify and manipulate it their way.

I am happy that all my writings come from my own experience, and hence if I have a strong opinion based on that, which you cannot certainly change it, because you know where it is coming from.

So, when looking at the future what do you see?  I would see a graceful educated women, sensible, caring and above all Grateful :) :)

The Venom Kiss

While I was watching “Rockstar” , suddenly a statement spoken by ranbir , tickled my mind for two minutes , rather more .:) , and guess wot was the statement :P “Chalo Kiss karte hai” and immediately I was head stuck , because it reminded me of you .

Yea , the day, I met you at the terrace of my house , and you asked me how much I weigh. Although In my mind you were super decent guy , and till that moment super unromantic also . But that day , you gave a little hint , that you are also sensitive, uhmm J ,well and then the romantic story started with passion and zeal for , :P :P KISSES.

It was a crazy experience to look for you , gaze you , rip you , with looks that were obsessed and wild for being with you .Wanting you like anything , and not letting you go for hours , was the ultimate goal of that time .Snatching and hiding you from the whole world was like a winning trophy. Riding the bike, having you at the back seat, and enjoying by your side in your sophisticated car drives, that time was certainly different. We didn't even left the coaching stairs, at 9 o clock, not morning, 9 PM ;) , just checking if the guard is not there. And saying: chalo kiss kartei hai ;)

Cannot say that those were the best days of my life, as life is still going on, but yes the craziest days for sure, lived life to its fullest with you, enjoyed, loved, killed and lived. Those days were so crazy that they actually made me crazy (its not rhythmic and difficult to comprehend also). Spent most of the time in making the best of you and worst of me . And what after that ….huhh ……:P that is not the prime topic now ;) 

That was the Venom Kiss .................destructive thoughts @their best :)

The Tale of Two cities

City .............................................................................................................and the other city 
They both are good ,they both are settled , successful and all other magnificant words are poured at them by many people now and then.then Y D SELF SEARCH IS STILL ON???????????


November 26/11/09
While we were driving back from the bridge , in the cold chilly night of November ,engrossed in our dreamy world ,he told me about the confusion he is living with regarding his dilemma for the decisions and priorities in life.
Madly in love with him , I gave a whole analysis and observation of what he should do .
The only couple in the town living with the promise of "No pretentions and no apprehensions" , was very happy in their life . With in numerous thoughts and dreams pertaining to our near future , slowly we started to dissolve the in dependency and became complementary of each other.
We were young , dynamic and innovative , both used to enjoy being with each other and people envy at our happiness.The time moved and slowly the day came when I had to control all the tears , pain and the fear of losing him in  heart , and wished him a very happy Journey and a bright future. 
Soon he realised that he is very lonely and sad without me and asked me to come and meet him  in the new city anyhow . After making all the manipulations and getting a hold of the situation , I reached the desired destination and after meeting him , I was very sure that they are made to be kept intact forever.
But, the happiness didnt lasted long and I had to come back  home , because of  studies , which led to another phase of loneliness.
It is always said that "Good things are rare" and the same happened with both of us , trying every if and but to try to be nice , slowly things went bad and we started losing the threads on our life ....................

Today , things have changed completely , With many reasons , unsaid , unclarified and undone ..........Me and him don't even recognise each other..........there is a distance in the time and the heart.The two cities made our life miserable. 
Every  night I see the moon , i ask why..............................i wasted a lot of time and  the self search startes all over again.


Ujjawal 31/10/11

First impression!!

Ohh yea yea ...........how can I forget that, your first impression was definitely far more or I should say, completely different to what you are!! I had to remember this “The disaster day” of mah life. It was just another day for me in the institute and I was all flawlessly moving around it, as always in love with myself. I entered the classroom, with a bottle of water, and here he comes, lollzzz the shy guy “as per me” or Mr. Decent, as I really thought so, asking me for a sip of water, and I never deny.

With his geeky intelligent looks, he smiled and said a thanks a lot, to me, and as usual I said! OHH it’s just fine!!!!!!! And as expected, you turned to me and started pouring small questions ....I think I know you, r u from GEC...okkk yeah I am new here ,and I dnt know I am still feeling that I know you ...anywayzzz ok ............thanks again, I was really thirsty. And in the meantime, we almost forgot that we were there for a test. Now it’s my turn, and I asked you for a pencil, which you readily gave, as u had a pile of pencils and pens ,adding alot to your geekness .Ok ,anywayzzz we finished up the test soon ,but you took a whole leap of the year ,the whole time ,which was anyway taking my attention again and again back to me as what the hell is he solving !!!!....hmmm hmmm and the time was over! And you had to come out of your dreamy world!!!

Again you turned back and asked cheerfully (I dnt knwww wat were you pretending) how was your test...and I replied very casually...it was just fine ...how about you (and this one was killing) You said yurs was Ok, with another statement saying you got 97 correct!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh wat the hell is that (immediately hitted mah mind! Big time nerd, but impressive)!! I started moving out of the room ,and i know you were definitely following me only , you quickly asked my name and my college and i replied with “I know your name” common I am very smart ...and you grew anxious ..Hey! How do you know that .........and i smiled childishly sayin ......he he dnt worry, I just read it on Ur Id card.......and still you are following me ,and the moment i said .....okk i am leaving now ....and yes you still had something to say.............hmm hmm hmm u said ...okk anywayz tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY J ........see you .....and there i thought Oh my god! What a flirt J (he he later I knew it was actually your birthday).....and that was you !!!

Although it was different from what you are actually , but that incidence is always going to be there in mah mind ....reminding which i get a big smile.

It’s the world of Pain

Life moves, things happen,

You believe some, you forget some, you relate some, and you neglect some, and at times you get avoided or refrained by people you love,

humans are deprived of emotional attachments and they tend to get attached to many thing that comes their way.

I would have appreciated my life, if I were a robot with no emotions and a mind and a heart which keeps on playing over my mind. You cry, you love, you sacrifice for other people and yet at last, what you get is pain.

I am yet to evolve the human psychology or may be human emotion logy for my good. How someone just grows so secluded, as if he never knew you, is what I am unable to understand even after being called mature by so many people.

Hence in the world of science, now it has become imperative to come over all that has passed and inevitably “I need to grow Strong “because god is not helping anymore.

Ujjawal 21/8/11